He Just IS That Into You.

The other day I was speaking to a new friend about relationships. Isn’t it always about relationships? Well, she’s in one and of course, yours truly…isn’t. This is honestly one of the first times where I am actually not bitter, angry or sarcastic with that fact.

But homegirl was telling me about her boyfriend wisking her away to Vegas for a romantic weekend Valentine getaway extravaganza. When she told me, I thought my heart would fill to the brim with jealousy and it would show in my eyes, but I didn’t feel one ounce of jealousy. I felt…nothing.

My reaction mirrored hers. She also felt nothing when telling me about something that would make most women gush with enthusiasm. She obviously didn’t want to be included in her boyfriend’s romantic plans. I picked up on it immediately. In asking her why the lack of excitement, she began telling me about how she feels about her man.

He’s comfortable. He’s someone that takes up her free time. He’s cool. He’s attractive. He’s employed. He’s a listener. She’s even said, he’s perfect. And on top of everything else, he is into her. So what’s with the gloomy gus?

Women are bored with Mr. Perfect, but are always in hot pursuit of him. It’s one of the biggest paradoxes that we live day by day. We all claim to want a man that has all these wonderful qualities, then when we find him, he run, sabotage the relationship or hurt him. Then we go back into being jaded creatures teetering on being man-haters.

Carrie (SATC) describes that certain something in relationships-that spark-as the “za za zoo.” Often times with someone like Mr. Perfect, the za za zoo is missing. Which causes a woman–no matter her comfort with Mr. P–to flee or at least desire the flight. Most women are built with an inner sado-masichism and love finding that not-so-right-for-you dude that gives you the za za zoo everytime he doesn’t call or care about your feelings.

Just because a man is perfect, doesn’t mean he is perfect for you. But on the opposite end of that spectrum, just because an asshole gives you butterflies also doesn’t make him right for you.

So it leads me to this question or series of questions. Is love an instant spark with Mr. Asshole or a journey that you take with Mr. Perfect? Can you grow to love Mr. Perfect and still be happy sans za za zoo? How much of your standards should you compromise for love? What does it take to lose or completey immerse yourself in love? How many times can you use the grass is always greener on the other side excuse?

Love is complicated and most times doesn’t make much sense. And nice guys (Mr. Perfects) finish last. So, will it ever be easy to fall in love with that nice guy, even if he doesn’t provide us with the za za zoo? Will Mr. Asshole always have the best of luck when it comes to us?

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